From the ride in today:
Burger: I see an alien!Lovely Wife: An alien?
Burger: Yeah! An alien! It's right there.
Me: They prefer 'undocumented worker'.
Burger: Right there!
Lovely Wife: [Pointing to a vehicle a bit ahead] I think he means that 'ambulance'.
Me: [Pointing to a road crew] He's right either way.
I won't say we made it through yet since it's not quite over and I don't want to tempt fate. I'll just say that the expected power loss from the ice storm hasn't happened yet. The freezing rain from Friday and Saturday is mostly gone now. It left many thousands of Georgians without power (for various lengths of time - some are still down), led to many automobile accidents and caused the closure of major highways.
But it was breathtakingly beautiful too. It encased all of the trees in a sheath of crystalline majesty. Last evening the low lights of our front porch lit these up magnificently. Unfortunately our nighttime picture taking capabilities are almost non-existent and none of the photos came out well. This morning the view was still beautiful as the crystal encrusted trees groaned under their icy burden.
(Click here if you can't see the thumbnail.)
All of the ice is melting now and it sounds like a battleground outside. Chunks of ice fall like the rat-a-tat of a machine gun. The occasional large ice block or failing tree limb is like the crack of a mortar. Our entire yard is covered with broken shards of glass as if the remnants of the world's largest crystal chandelier lay shattered and abandoned there.
(Click here if you can't see the thumbnail.)
At least with this mess we don't have to worry about the cleaning up.
Lovely Wife and I are like anti-nerd and nerd. She's a 16 and I'm a 74. On the positive side our kids should be at least passably good in sports while still being able to figure out mathematical proofs.
Blogdaughter Tiffani's got the skinny.
UPDATE: Stealth points awarded!
Timmer: 2 points for answering the original question
Elyse: 2 points for finding an error in the problem and answering correctly using that info
Victor: 1 point because he's single-handedly kept the stealth points program alive
Don't you miss word problems? I sure do. Those were the kick-assest (kickest ass? kick assingest? never mind) part of school as far as I'm concerned.
Here's one for your enjoyment:
Bob the Sailor (a cousin of Bob the Builder, but without the little trademark thingy after his name) needed some rope. He went to Crafty McRippoff, the only boat supply shop in town.
"Hey, Crafty! I need me some rope. Argh!" he said as he entered the shop.
I love cats. They taste just like chicken.
Grand Prize: 5 points
Our special today is pan seared tabby with cheerio confit. Would you like to start with an appetizer?
Jeff
First runner up: 3 points (selected by the world's smallest concience)
[Daffy Duck Voice] It's mine, mine all mine.
Tiffani
Second runner up: 2 points (selected by Ted Kennedy's blown capillaries)
Interestingly, the proposal for remaking the movie _Seven_ with kittens went through several rounds of review before being rejected.
Trey
Third runner up: 1 point (selected by the Romulan Ambassador on Kyrtus 5)
Every year, thousands of kittens such as this one succumb to the horrors of Kitty Kibbles & Krack. Just say "Meow" to drugs.
8ZERO8
Here's a nifty little meme/game/whatever I found at Dragons, Butterflies and Lady Bugs.
1. Pick 13 movies that you enjoy.
2. Pick a line of dialog that you like.
3. As people guess the film, strike out that entry.
4. NO cheating!!! That means NO: Google, IMDb, etc.!
To add a little spice I'm going to give a point to each first correct answer. Some of these are pretty difficult. Any left after 24 hours will go to 2 points each.
Adendum to #4, no searching my archives either.
Quotey bits are in the extended entry:
There's trouble brewing, guysYou have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Europe's annual human reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were fed six pints of beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100 percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
* This title was scientifically designed by a Washington think tank to be irresistable to Harvey.
(Hat tip to Tiffani)
...or does anybody else find it odd that Senator Byrd is stressing that Dr.Rice's qualifications for Secretary of State should be judged primarily by her actions as National Security Advisor? I just think it is a bit hypocritical that the only KKK alumni in the Senate is calling for somebody to be judged strictly by their history instead of their current qualifications.
I'm not calling Byrd a klansman. He was a prominent one over fifty years ago, sure. He's worked against equal opportunity, women's rights and desegregation, sure. But, he said he was sorry that he'd said and done all of those hurtful and evil things while he was running his branch of the KKK and if that's good enough for his apologists then it's good enough for me.
Lovely Wife got one of those anti-Bush spam emails the other day. Part of it explained how Bush is a Nazi because his grandfather had business dealings with a bank that raised money for the Nazi party. I'd be a hypocrite myself if I said that accusing somebody of being a Nazi because of the actions of his grandfather was a load of shit but I still thought of Byrd as a bigoted racist simply because he was instrumental in the reappearance of the Klan in his more mobile years.
Incidentally, Byrd has said he was sorry for his Klan activities but I've been unable to find any mention of him ever actually saying that those actions were wrong. Does anybody have knowledge of him ever saying so?
Anybody?
Bueller?
The contest will be open until some time on Friday. Best caption gets 5 points with another handful thrown around to the rest of the best.
(Make your own with the Error Message Generator)
I've been invited to a 'webinar'. This is the term being used because 'web seminar' is far too understandable. Jargon is of ultimate importance in business so a clear and concise phrase like 'web seminar' cannot be permitted to survive. No, a grotesque substitute must be crafted. Something that executives and PR people can say with pride alongside such trite and overused staples as 'paradigm', 'leverage', and 'out of the box'. Proper use of these craptacular phrases causes an executive to achieve a mental woody so great they can actually mentally ejaculate.
"Today's webinar will explore the paradigm shift resulting from our leveraging of out of the box thinking."
SPLURT!!! <--- mental ejaculate
Can I just say no? Can I refuse to use the word 'webinar'? Why can't I just use 'web seminar'?
If I do refuse to use this bullshit word will my coworkers look at me funny? Will they joke about my archaic word choice during project planning sessions? If I send out invitations to my own 'web seminar' will there be no attendees because they don't understand what such a thing is?
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I refuse to use 'webinar'. I am officially adding it to my list of prohibited phrases. I will not add it to my spell checker dictionary so every time I see it it will have the red underlined squiggly of rejection. Call me antiquated, call me conservative, call me Al. Just don't call me a sycophant.
I must go now. I have to engineer visionary metrics in order to deliver seamless convergence with my incentivized best-of-breed partnerships.
This is pretty neat: Private, home school students added to Perdue's virtual school bill.
Home schoolers and private school students would be allowed to take online public school courses under changes a Senate committee made Monday to a bill backed by Gov. Sonny Perdue.The Senate Education committee approved a plan to create the Georgia Virtual School - giving students in small school systems computer access to advanced placement classes and other courses that may not be available to them locally.
Students not enrolled in public schools would be allowed to take up to 6 courses. I don't like the limit there but this is better than the original proposal that was limited to enrolled students only. Of course not everybody is happy with providing educational opportunities outside of the classroom.
The amendment was opposed by Democrats on the Republican-controlled committee and by representatives of teacher's groups, who said the change would effectively take money away from school systems."This is one more step in weakening public schools," said Sen. Vincent Fort, D-Atlanta, a committee member who voted against the amendment. "Public school students should not have to wait in line."
In the words of the great Arlo Guthrie, "Have a nice steaming cup of shut the fuck up". Teachers, teachers' unions and the people who depend on those unions for their kickbacks payola bribe money support will always be against anything that takes away their money. In this case they are working not only against homeschoolers but also against progress. The web is a fantastic tool and the more it is developed for scholastic opportunity the less we will need schools and teachers. You can't fault somebody for working in their own self interests but you surely can call them fucknuts when that puts them directly at odds with our kids.
My interview is up at Jennifer's History & Stuff. Go and find out all about my cow porn and my skill with foreign languages.
We have two cat doors inside our house. One is on the laundry room door. That's so the cats can get in there to do their 'business' without the smell of cat box taking over the house. The other is between the living area and the sleeping area of the house. That door gets closed so we can keep the dogs (and children) in one half of the house or the other, also to save on heating/cooling during sleepy time. The cat door is a necessary there again so the cats can get to their toilet.
Henk and Apple (the grown-up cats) take the doors in a stately fashion, very dignified, very careful. Stitch (the hell spawn kitten) takes them like a panzer division crossing the French border. She'll start by the laundry room and tear ass across the kitchen floor. She'll slowly build up speed as she gains minute amounts of friction on the tiles, much like a cartoon character or dragster. There's a 50/50 chance that she'll make the turn into the dining room otherwise there'll be a loud "thwunk" as she banks off of the oven cabinet. Once she hits carpet the claws come out and she accelerates as if she just turned on the nitrous. The sound of ripping fibers increases until they conclude with a door jarring "THA-WANG" as she dives through the cat door and sends it smacking into the door on its hinges.
The cat doors are pretty good ones and have little switches so they can be set to open both ways, either way alone, or lock closed.
All I can think of every time I hear her assault the door is this.
So far I have resisted my natural urges but I'm unsure how long I can hold out.
I just took the 20 Questions to a Better Personality quiz (found at LeeAnn's place).
Wackiness: 50/100
Rationality: 24/100
Constructiveness: 58/100
Leadership: 72/100You are a SECL--Sober Emotional Constructive Leader. This makes you a Politician.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Burger: I'm not a baby any more.Me: No? What are you now?
Burger: I'm a big guy!
And so he is. Happy 3rd birthday, Burger!
Many more pictures (including Trey being attacked by a horde of midgets) at Flaptrap.
A reader over at Ilyka's place had a question in the comments. Specifically, is it possible to survive this type of set-up question with scrotum and relationship intact. The happy answer is yes, though it is often not easy.
The absolute first response to this question is to run screaming from the room. Barring that (for example, if the door is barred) you may be able to defuse the situation by ignoring the question with a compliment.
Her: Honey, does this dress make me look fat?Him: Baby, you look gorgeous.
Note the compliment and the complete avoidance of the question.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Do not, under any circumstances, add the words "to me" at the end of the compliment.
If the avoidance/compliment doesn't work you can try a distraction technique.
Her: I know I look beautiful to you [notice she used the "to you" even though he specifically avoided that trap. This is known as a trap within a trap or more commonly "The Bundy Offense".], but I really want your opinion. Does this dress make me look fat?Him: What that dress really needs is a new set of diamond earrings. Do we have time to stop at the jewelers?
Note again the critical and skillful avoidance of the actual question. Dodge and weave, dodge and weave.
If both of these techniques fail there is still one method left to preserve your manhood and relationship.
Her: Will you knock it off and just answer the question? Do I look fat in this dress or not?Him: [clutches chest] ARGGGGGHHH!!!
The fake heart attack will only work two or three times before she catches on so use it sparingly.
It's food time! The Carnival of the Recipes is up Caltechgirl's World. Lovely Wife's pea soup is in this one.
Mmmmmm... pea soup...
I'm doubly thankful for the Carnival today. Looking at some of those yummy-food recipes has finally gotten my mind off of that pancake sandwich I had for breakfast.
No, I'm not suggesting we serve up reindeer fillets. Rudy's still my number one cervidae. The red-nosed freak I'm speaking of is none other than Ronald McDonald.
What in the name of all that is holy were the McDonald's food developers thinking of with this culinary travesty?
Sausage? Yeah, that's a good start. It's a breakfast staple. A thin patty of greasy sausage with an assortment of impregnated unchewable bits is a fine beginning for a breakfast sandwich. Scrambled egg patty? Right on! If it's got eggs in it, it's breakfast. You can add eggs to any normal food and instantly transform it to a proper morning repast. Steak? That's dinner. Steak and eggs? Breakfast! Eggs are just dandy for the breakfast sandwich.
But then they went for a 'unique' change. Something different. Something never tried before. Something that would complement the sausage and eggs in a way never before attempted.
Pancakes.
Yes, pancakes. Pancakes instead of a bagel (good), biscuit (good) or muffin (good). Pancakes with a layer of maple syrup inside them. Cause, you know, nothing goes with greasy sausage and dry eggs quite like the taste of sugary maple syrup.
Oh, the humanity.
You might have guessed by now that I had a sausage and egg sandwich on pancake for breakfast. You'd be correct if you did. Oh, I didn't get it at the clown house - mine was purchased at the breakfast hot plate at QT (gas station / convenience store). I still blame Ronald though because he started it.
Incidentally, when one section of the breakfast hot plate is completely full it is not because they just finished making those particular sandwiches and they are fresh. No, it is because every other customer has already had their own vomit inducing experience with that particular sandwich type and is now avoiding it like the plague.
The aftertaste is exceptional and has proven to be resistant to coffee, water and soda. My mouth tastes like maple grease.
I envy the fellow who was ahead of me in line at QT. His breakfast selection was:
- A selection of snack-sized packages of pretzels and chips.
- A large coffee. (Starbucks translator: "venti")
- A gallon of green generic Kool-Aid style beverage.
- A pack of cigarettes.
- A Corona big boy.
Now THAT is a breakfast of champions.
In a hostage situation the victims will tend to become appreciative of their captor. He is God-like in his ability to take life away and the hostage is grateful that their life is being spared. The hostage comes to see it, emotionally, as the captor granting them life and is appreciative of this gift. I see this very same mentality in our society today. America has Stockholm Syndrome with our government playing the part of the captor.
It boils down to one statement. This is the truth: The Government Does Not Grant You Rights
How often do you hear or read phrases about rights granted by the Constitution or Bill of Rights? How many times have you heard somebody say that this or that country should grant their citizens certain rights like our government grants us? These sentiments are exactly wrong and directly contrary to the documents and ideals that founded our country. Just as the hostage taker is not granting life by not taking it, neither is our government granting us the rights that it does not remove.
Excerpt from the Declaration of Independence:We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,
In simple language this is saying that you are born with the right to do anything and that the purpose of government is to protect your rights. This is a powerful and often forgotten sentiment. Government is not here to grant you rights. You already have them. Government is here to stop other people from taking away your rights.
The core concepts to remember are that you begin with every right, the Constitution protects certain of your rights, and laws restrict or remove your rights. This is a heady concept, and frightening as well for many people. Taken literally this means that a critical component of the job of every Congressman and Senator is to pare away your rights.
This mistaken groupthink is pervasive. In the Presidential debates one of Bush's criticisms of Kerry was the relatively low number of laws he has authored during his tenure as Senator. Kerry disputed this, claiming to have been instrumental in a very large number of bills. I was horrified by this exchange. Both men were making it clear that they considered the removal of my rights to be not only a just goal but the lack of such efforts to be a considerable failing. They were both saying that a good Senator is one who makes a lot of laws.
Wrong. Very, very wrong. A good Senator or Congressman should be a terrible legislator. A good Senator should be primarily concerned with protecting the Constitution, not increasing the bulk of the Code of Law. Anything else is a direct contradiction of their oath of office.
Oath of Office, Congress:I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.
Note that there is absolutely nothing in the oath regarding the crafting of laws. The entire focus of the oath that every Senator and Congressman takes is that they will protect the Constitution.
The same thing goes for the President.
Oath of Office, President:I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.
The documents are so clear. The sentiments are impossible to misunderstand. Even so, later today George Bush will repeat that oath of office. A short time later in a speech he will completely ignore it as he talks about forming a cooperative coalition of legislators to craft new laws and further snip away at the Constitution he has just sworn to protect.
It is frightening that this Stockholm Syndrome is so widespread that even the President of the United States is a victim of it. It is absolutely terrifying that it is so pervasive that this perfidy is not only accepted but actually lauded by the populace at large.
They're doing electrical work in the building and we were without heat until about 20 minutes ago. It's about 25 degrees outside. It's about 55 degrees inside.
I'm the only person who wasn't bitching about it. You might assume that this is because I'm from Little Antarctica* but you'd be wrong. It's because my Lovely Wife bought me one of those massage/heat chair pads for our anniversary and I've been toasty warm and laughing on the inside* all day long.
* Also known as Buffalo.
** Okay, occasionally I laughed out loud too. There are some pretty efficient bitchers here with some fairly eloquent vocabulary.
Defeating Nazi Germany
Do: Invade Germany.
Don't bother: Turning off Hitler's speech with a very forceful twist of the radio's knob.
Ending segregated busing
Do: Sit in the front of the bus.
Don't bother: Sending a 'strongly worded letter' to the CEO of the bus company.
Getting your own holiday
Do: Dedicate your life to a worthy goal, motivate and move your people toward it, live as an example of it, die in the pursuit of it.
Don't bother: Bitching at the TV set.
Send a man to the moon
Do: Put a guy in a big ass rocket and launch it.
Don't bother: Blasting loud music at the neighborhood Luddite.
Change the world for the better
Do: Put on your Birkenstocks and your best hemp shirt, get out of your house and actually fucking do something constructive that works toward the goals you profess to have.
Don't bother: Protesting against a welcome back party.
Bitching and whining will never change a thing. Jesse Jackson will never make the world a better place because he doesn't actually DO. Bill Gates made the world a better place because he does things in the real physical world to support and promote his ideals.
These protesters are the worst sort of hypocrite. They want only to scream their disillusionment in the hopes that somebody else will do something about their problems.
(Tip credit to DCeit)
There's a new short story up at Protomonkey. This one is a corroboration between Paul and myself.
Go. Read. Enjoy!
The coolest thing about caption contests is that even when you have nothing to blog about you have something to blog about.
Grand Prize: 5 points
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear
Frick
First runner up: 3 points (selected by President Bush, confirmed by the Senate)
Forgetting that the reindeer were still attached, Santa threw it in reverse and floored it.
Machele
Second runner up: 2 points (selected by 17 rats while Victor was out)
The local deer craze known as 'Overpass Diving' came to an abrupt end Thursday night when, following a near-perfect 3 1/4 rotation dive, tragedy struck.
Ryan
Third runner up: 1 point (selected by a duckbilled platypus)
How come I don't see any picture?
Paul
Special bonus section
I came up with a couple myself:
"Bob thanked his lucky stars that he'd had the foresight to get his truck sighted in." (This will only amuse hunters.)
"Ram tough? Sure. Deer tough? Not quite."