GreenZap, the alternative to PayPal, is set to launch on June 1. I think this is just too cool. I'm all about better capitalism through competition and until now PayPal was all alone in the ball park.
If you sign up for an account now you'll get a starting balance of $25. If you sign up through the link above I'll get a $5 signing bonus. There's no mention of if/when the $25 new account thing will go away but I expect it will shrink down to $5 or so at or around the launch. I'd much rather you get $25 than $5 so sign up now!
I bet you're all wondering where the anecdotes and stories of our Warshington trip are. They're coming, I just haven't had a chance to put them into pixels yet. You see, I had a very exciting return to work that has had me quite occupied and distracted...
Wednesday was my first day back to work. It was also Boss's last day at work. This came as quite a surprise because as late as Tuesday evening I was confirming future meetings with him. Needless to say, he was as surprised as I was. So I'm getting a new boss starting on Tuesday. What does this mean apart from putting that butterfly feeling in my belly?
The mega project I'm doing business analysis for now has no project manager at all. Boss was working PM for that project, you see. He was in the closing stages of contract negotiation with our biggest information provider as well as holder of the project plan. I'm keeping it together on my own and am getting decent support. I'll be meeting with Almost Boss and Boss2 today to see what we need to do to keep it on schedule.
My move into an official PM position is no longer as tight. This was my Boss's plan and he's gone now. On the plus side I've got the full support of Almost Boss. I'm meeting with Boss2 later today to discuss. Fingers crossed, please.
The department is in a bit of turmoil. We're very deep into defining processes and procedures. Work on this has been going like gangbusters since our Chicago meeting. This was Boss's initiative. What happens now? We've decided to keep going full steam until somebody tells us different and are meeting for a strategy session today.
New Boss has extensive experience with organizing and training project managers. This is very, very good. I expect training resources to become available and strong support for our streamlining and process development efforts.
So my overall opinion is mixed. Boss was a great boss. He was very personable and an extremely straight shooter. He also had the confidence in his people to assign tasks and then back off unless his help was needed. In the age of micromanagement this mix of traits was priceless. He's going to be missed. On the other hand New Boss has more experience with this particular department type and specific experience in getting a young department up to speed.
Good? Bad? Ugly? We'll have to wait and see.
Welcome to the First Whenever Snooze Crew™ Awards. These awards recognize distinguished service in the line of duty with a Snooze Point (how come there's no ™ for Snooze Points?) for the best post in each category. Without further ado, here's the winners:
Best "Jokin Around" post goes to vw bug for this bit of Tasteless humor.
Best "News & Notes" article is awarded to Diamond Dave for You Have Been Chosen.
The best "Snooze Button Dreams" post was a steal by Phin with A memo from the boss
Post that should have been left in the "Deferred" category goes to Rob P for With my apologies.
Best "Match That Quote" post goes to Victor for Match that quote, special Snooze Crew edition!
Best True Stories post (even though nobody shared. you bastards.) is awarded to Denise for The Great Lengths One Will Go To.
And in the special non-category categories the winners are:
Diamond Dave for "Best Suck-up" post with his entry SBD's Greatest Hits (according to Jim's fans).
"Best Use of Non-sexual Imagery in a Sexual Context" goes to Phin for It's travel time. Alternately, this could have won for "Greatest failure of a trackback party in the history of the blogosphere".
Last, and most certainly least, is the "Best Post Poking Fun at Jim", which is awarded to Phin for A letter home from Jim.
Thank you and good night!
PS - The Snooze Crew™ roll of honor has been preserved in the sidebar blogroll. Yay!
Damn, what a mess! Rodent droppings under the blogroll, passed out gay midgets in the archive and I don't know what the hell that stain on the banner is. Sure tastes salty though...
The trip was a lot of fun, details to trickle out in the next couple of days. I've got over a hundred emails in the inbox and 450 posts in the newsreader. Expect my commenting to be light over the next couple of days.
Many thanks to the incomparable Snooze Crew™. I think my readership actually increased over the past week. Hmmm...I might have to do this again in the near future. I'll be handing out some bonus points for the best posts and hosts. Details, as they say, to follow.
In the meantime, any Crewmembers who awarded points please send me a tally and I'll update the list.
Just wanted to take this time to Welcome Jim Home from his vacation! We all missed you!! But I think we did a stellar job at keeping your readers entertained. Er...... when's your next vacation? We might need to start getting our material prepared for the next one. LOL
Glad to have you home!
Well, it seems as if no one wants that last point. Heck, I even said you could bribe the judge. Of course, what could you have bribed me with? Besides with the obvious, that is.
Rat pictures would be good.
Joe Don Baker pictures would also be good.
C'mon, people! Use your imagination!
Ah, well. Since no one gives a rat's ass about it, I'll give you the answer to number two: A Day Without a Mexican is the movie with the SoCal dialogue in it, and apparently no one but me has seen it. Not that it was worth seeing. But then again, neither are most of my favorite movies.
But seriously, folks, it's been fun posting on Jim's blog whilst ignoring mine. Next time Jim takes a vacation, I hope I'll be invited back, even if I did post a crappy "Match That Quote" game and possible bored off some of his readers. Sorry, Jim.
Yep, rambling posts that just jump from point to point...that's my style!
Well since today is probably the last day I get to post at Snooze Button Dreams I wanted to write a post expressing just how much this experience has meant to me. Most folks just don’t get a chance to post on a blog as successful as this one. For a week I had the warm fuzzy feeling that what’s his name must get every time he spanks a midget porn star. For a week I had the more power than this hateful shrew and much to my surprise I was able to withstand the urge to blog about a group of angry lesbian midgets.
For a week my fellow Snooze Crew™ Members and I have turned out posts that would make that other group blog jealous. We’ve posted lots of funny, some stuff that was thought provoking and some stuff that was rather disturbing (who’s damned idea was it to post a picture of Jim in Manties anyway?).
It wasn’t just the Snooze Crew™ that made it possible either. It was the loyal readers of Snooze Button Dreams that kept us posting; that and Jim’s threat to withhold spankings for a week if we misbehaved while he was gone. Sure I know what you’re thinking a spanking from another man doesn’t sound right. But you know what, it’s not like we’re gay (even though Jim’s running one of the finest gay blogs on the Interweb), nope, we’re like Romans. And nobody ever called the gladiators homo’s even if they were playing slap and tickle in the locker room.
Sorry I got a little side tracked. Back to the readers, yup you guys really made us feel all warm and fuzzy. Like when I used to climb a rope in gym class, type warm and fuzzy. It’s definitely a feeling I’ll miss, but hey maybe y’all will stop by and visit my little hole in the wall of the blogidoheckiweb every now and then and we can laugh about the good ole times when Jim turned over the keys to his shop to a bunch of wingnuts.
Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Heard this on the news this morning. Couldn't wait to get home and find it online so I could post it:
Boy gets trapped inside vending machine
I enjoy Jim's stories about his kids getting in trouble, but I'd like to see him top this one.
For that matter, can anyone else with kids top this?
SIDE NOTE: I goofed earlier. I posted with a different, though similar, story about another child who crawled into a stuffed animal machine. Trouble was, it was 18 months out of date. In my panic, I deleted the original entry rather than edit it and ended up just rewriting the post. Sorry for the brain-fart.
I guess this activity about crawling into game machines isn't all that uncommon, after all.
Apparently my behavior at work hasn't been up to par as of late (the past five years). I received a memo, via e-mail, of things I'm no longer allowed to do at work. I'm not sure if I should read too much into this, as it's probably my boss's idea of a joke. But he's serious it's going to be awfully dull around here.
The List:
- Leave open cans of potted meat or sardines in the boss's office; I was only offering him a mid-day snack.
- Set the "On Hold" Music to the Llama Song.
- Fill the boss's desk drawers with Styrofoam packing peanuts.
- Set the boss's computer up with a Barbie, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Fraggle Rock or Muppets Themes.
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . . .
I'm sorry What was the question?
The husband had just finished reading the book, "MAN OF THE HOUSE".
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director!"
Confucius say: Man who cook carrots and pees in same pot very unsanitary.
What's brown and sticky?
The challenge here still has points available. I am now opening it up to cheating--that is, Google, IMDB searches, asking people, and bribing the judge. However, they are now worth only one point. Good luck!
UPDATE THE SECOND: I've decided to offer some hints; they're in the extended entry. Still only one point each.
Via The Corporate Mommy comes the Funniest Caption Ever. She also posts a reason why I don't want kids. For another reason to not have kids, read the Google cache for the first hit for this search.
(Full disclosure: Once I flushed a diaper down the toilet--this was in the 60's, which means it was a cloth diaper, not a disposable. My parents ended up having to have the lawn dug up to get the pipes fixed and I don't think they were too happy about that...and that, basically, is yet another reason why I don't want kids. That, and remembering the time I caught the curtains on fire.) (What it comes down to is it's self-preservation, man.)
Poor Jim. He leaves for a week, gives us the keys to the castle, and all we can do is humiliate him on his own blog.
I think us regulars ought to honor Jim instead by sharing our favorite SBD posts. Posts that make us laugh, cry, think, scream, mutter "whadafuk", spooge, hurl, etc. Who knows, several of us may mention the same posts.
My favorite post went something like this, I think:
I kind of feel bad for pickin' on Jim. Here he was nice enough to loan me a set of keys to his place and I went and poked fun at him for wearing Manties. Ever since that post I've been feeling guilty, but you can't un-ring a bell. The only thing I could think of was to post something to sooth his possibly damaged ego.
But what to post. I’m new to the gay blog scene and unsure of how to "stroke" the ego of a gay blogger, sure I know Jim isn't gay but he is listed by spidergay. So I called a couple of gay bloggers I know.
The one thing they said that always makes them feel better is when someone talks about the size of their cock in a positive light. Luckily I was digging through Jim’s archives and I found the picture in the extended entry, which unlike the others is definitely work safe (Scout’s Honor, I Promise it is really!!!).
I’m desperately trying to come up with something for the Snooze.
Except- My teeth hurt. I have a crew of trolls with jackhammers pounding away at one tooth and the dentist is busy, probably picking out his Ferrari purchased from funds acquired from my insurance company last time I was there.
Shall we say the quality of his work is a bit suspect, to say the least.
You know the rules...but in case you're either dense or a newbie:
1. In the extended entry are quotes from 10 movies. Your job is to identify the movie that each quote came from.
2. Guess as many times as you want, just don't get silly about it.
3. First person to correctly guess each entry gets a point. If there are any left after 24 hours they are worth 2 points.
4. As people guess the films I will strike out those entries and note who got it first.
5. NO cheating!!! That means NO: Google, IMDb, searching my archives etc.!
And I think this one is harder than Jim's Match that Quote. These are taken from old movies, cult films, and are, I think, lesser known quotes from relatively recent movies (except for one or two giveaways). Heck, one of 'em might even be from a cartoon. I confess I probably won't be as quick on the draw as Jim is on announcing right or wrong, so you'll just have to deal with it.
He's probably trying to get back to his hotel. Only you can help him out!
(My best was 49 meters. Poor Jim is still asleep in the gutter.)
As most of you know Jim’s run off for a while to a wedding in Spokane. He hand picked the best writers on the internet the six knuckle heads that actually took the time to fill out the request. Using his powers of telepathy Jim could tell that you, the faithful Snooze Button Readers could miss him. So he sent me the photo* with a note scribbled on it (its in the extended entry and Not Work Safe) that I wanted to share with you.
I must warn you a bit though before you take a look at the photo that it’s a tad bit disturbing. I had always thought that Jim was joking when he said he looked like Matt LeBlanc**. And from his recent post an Argument for Creationism I had assumed he was a breast man (not that he had a pair). Well maybe he’s just fascinated will all facets of the human body since in his next post he was fixated with his ass. I just didn’t expect him to send us a photo with it on display (in red Manties no less).
So go ahead read the note Jim sent***, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Today is two for one!
INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
Continue in the extended entry for the rest of this humor and the second truly tasteless funny.
Kids if you've been paying attention this week we learned earlier from Victor that States can no longer ban out of state wine shipments.
Every seeking to help our reader in their daily lives The Snooze Crew™ set out on a mission to review the best screw top wines available. After several trips to the corner mini-mart we determined the results of this wine review site were accurate.
With the help of the wines mentioned in the review you too can drink any woman pretty; even her.
Hat Tip: Confederate Yankee for point out referring us to the Wine Review mentioned above.
Hello faithful SBD readers! I am one of the beloved Snooze Crew that has taken over in Jim's absence.
I had to beg for help on some ideas of what to write about here while Jim is gone, and someone gave me a stellar idea. Favorite Summertime Memories.
My Favorite Summertime Memory happened about 10 years ago when my eldest daughter was 5 years old.
For those interested in filling out applications:
Hello - we are a team of award winning producers working on a film for a major cable network about women's progress - as well as our "unfinished business" and dreams.We are currently seeking women in their mid-40's to 60's who might be interested in sharing their recent coming out stories on camera. We believe that, by focusing on the personal and workplace conflicts and concerns of women who recently came out, we can illuminate the important struggles, triumphs and hopes of the lesbian community and of courageous, individual women.
Sure they're looking for women, but I figured what the hell I'd apply too, I'm a Lesbian trapped in a mans body (so I'm half of what they're looking for).
If you're interested in filling applying, here's the contact information.
There that should help firm up Jim's standing in the gay community. No matter what anybody else says I’m here for ya boss.
Yesterday I wrote about my favorite cartoons, and I mentioned how I can't hear Wagner without thinking of What's Opera, Doc?
Right now, the classical station is playing The Barber of Seville, and I ain't a-thinking about Figaro and Rosina.
A good-ole-redneck boy staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies.
Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.
After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.
Morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!"
Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the broken whiskey bottle glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, your bloodshot eyes, and all that blood in the bed, but, mostly.... it's all those band aids stuck on the mirror downstairs!"
But only if you answer this question: WWJD?*
*What Would Jim Do, dudes.
Man, I love me some cartoons, especially Tom & Jerry (pre-1955, please) and Wile E. Coyote. But my very favorite cartoons are two Bugs Bunny cartoons which are probably faves of yours, too: The Rabbit of Seville and my absolute favorite, What's Opera, Doc?
At work, I listen to a classical station, and you know what I've discovered? I can't hear anything by Wagner without thinkig of that cartoon.
Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit!
What do Britney Spears and Michael Jackson have in common?
My girlfriend and I have the unwritten rule of three-
This is, simply put- A free pass to sleep with three pre-agreed upon famous people should we ever get the chance. It’s a nice little semi-harmless exercise- We get to hoot, whistle and drool unabashedly in front of each other when any of the five chosen ones appear on TV.
Yes, I did say five. (More on that in a minute..)
From Da Professor comes word the Supremes have ruled states cannot ban direct out-of-state wine shipments. This fills me with joy, as I live in Maryland, one of those backwaters where direct wine sales are banned. Worse, I live in Montgomery County, which regulates the sale of alchohol out the wazzoo. OUT THE WAZZOO, I SAY!!!.
Cheap Mad Dog! Cheap Mad Dog! Man, my life is COMPLETE!
Fortunately I do know when I'll be back again. That would be next Monday. If you're expecting any posts from me before then, or on that Monday, or even the following Tuesday you'll likely be even more disappointed than you normally are when I actually post something.
So until Wednesday next I leave you in the competent capable enthusiastic hands of the Snooze Crew™: