So I'm watching Pearl Jam on Storytellers tonight, and it's good. Kind of like visiting an old friend. Until Vedder starts pontificating his egotistical ass off. Jesus Christ, give me a break Eddie. How did this melodramic emo dork make it this far in life without slitting his wrists over all the flies that have died every day of his life?

Seriously, someone in the audience posed the question to him "How do you feel about the fans who have different ideologies than yours?" I paraphrase the question, but the answer is word for word: "Fuck 'em." Vedder then goes on to say that THIS decade is the worst ever; which I find hilarious. Of course this is the worst decade ever, because if you're not here, how could it possibly be a pivotal moment in history? I mean, the good lord wouldn't leave us to our own against the Great Satan without sending us...Eddie Vedder? Piss off. And he goes on to say that we're all going to be a part of the culmination of a revolution, that the fans who have different viewpoints should do research and gain knowledge, basically just get right with the lord. Such egotistical bullshit. We're the band, we're the artists, we're the ones who feel more than anyone else, and we're the ones trying to bring you into the fold. What the hell Vedder? Did you join a church or what? You get ordained cardinal of the First United Church of Bushmongering?

It wouldn't piss me off so much if they hadn't turned into such a bunch of pandering frauds. In the early 90's it really was about being different, about how being a nonconformist can be an expression of creativity. Now he gets up there and refers to himself, and by proxy his band, as the font of knowledge in which those who differ should baptize themselves.

Then I noticed that one of the guys in the front row is bald. And I don't mean "I shave my head" bald, I mean "I'm so old my hair is falling out of my old ass noggin" bald. Dude. These guys are just trying to target the largest segment of the population with the most expendable income - retiring baby boomers.

Suck my farts Pearl Jam. You friggin copouts. We should have known.

I just wrote an awesome post, and the intarweb farted and dropped the entire thing into the techno abyss.

Glenn Reynolds can take his Army of Davids and march it right up his big orange Volunteer State ass. Technolgy is crap! Who's with me!

While the in-crowd of the blogosphere are salivating over this year's Weblog Awards, we at SBD have to settle for this:

But hey, who wants to be caught up in another circle-jerk awards show right? Not us! It's okay though, we of the avant garde are used to being overlooked in our time.

I saw this bumper sticker yesterday that said REAL MEN LOVE JESUS. It struck me as odd, because I can't think of anything more arbitrary or removed from manhood than something like 'loving Jesus'. I mean, by this logic anyone who loved Jesus would be a real man; which would make being a real man pretty inexclusive and, frankly, too easy. If you don't love Jesus you're not a real man? It also struck me as funny, because of the obvious underlying insecurity. "Don't make fun of me for loving Jesus, because it makes me a real man. See, I can be a man and love Jesus too." Well, if you have to inform everyone that loving Jesus does, in fact, make you a real man; does it really make you a real man, or are we just shoring up our percieved shortcomings as a man? It's tantamount to saying REAL MEN LOVE GOING TO THE STORE FOR THIER SPOUSE'S TAMPONS. It's an absurd attempt to turn something that's got nothing to do with masculinity into an identifying trait of masculinity.

A more appropriate bumper sticker might say REAL MEN LOVE GRILLING, or maybe REAL MEN LOVE SWINGING A SLEDGEHAMMER. These are much better, because I don't think any man, Christian or not (gay or straight, black or white, dress left or right, etc), would pass up the opportunity to stand around the grill with his chums, or lay waste with his favorite blunt implement. Of course, they also go without saying; which only reinforces the irrationality of the Jesus bumper sticker itself.

There's always the argument that the two suggestions above also have nothing to do with masculinity. So let's boil it down to a physical characteristic: REAL MEN HAVE PENISES; scientifically proveable, no? This is where it gets funny, because the language is real men. REAL men? As opposed to fake men, I'm assuming. The funny part is the adjective 'real' actually throws a heavy fog of uncertainty over what exactly we're identifying as 'men' here. Which is pretty confusing considering that's exactly what we're trying to do: identify men. Try it without the word 'real': MEN HAVE PENISES. A statement of fact, no doubt. But when you add 'real' to the front of the statement, it takes on a tone of exclusivity that would throw out those people who might feel like men but don't have penises. Ahem...Carrot Top.

Basically, there are two conclusions that can be drawn here:
1. Being a REAL MAN has nothing to do with masculinity
and/or
2. There is not a single characteristic that defines REAL MEN.

Either way, this person is riding around with a bumper sticker that is completely unintelligible.