Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
July 29, 2008
Phone-A-Friend
(Category: The Cage )

So I was giving De a hard time about her lack of Dollyblogging. I knew she was down in TX somewhere, but I failed to notice that she was in fact out of the storm's path. That minor detail aside, she assured me that I would be the first person she'd contact should she find herself in the midst of an apocalypse.

I wonder how that convo would go:


shank is at home, watching TV and eating a bag of microwave popcorn on the couch. A phone rings.

shank: Yalla'.

De (static, screams, crashes in the background): SHANK!? IS THAT YOU?

shank(pulls phone away from ear, grimacing): Jesus Christ. Yeah? Who the hell is this?

De (continued static, glass breaking, sirens. The connection cuts in and out): THI- IS DE. -OOK, I'M IN A BIT -- A SPOT, -ERE. I NE-D -OME ADVICE ON -OW -- SURVIVE AN APOCALYPSE.

shank: Well, first things first. Do you have any personal lubricant?

De (white noise continues, thunder claps can be heard, horns honk): I'M -ORRY, BUT -ID YOU JU-- SAY '-ERSONA- LUBR--ANT'!?

shank: Yep! Make sure you've got a good supply on hand, as it were, so that you've got something to do when the power goes out and eternity sets in. If you make it past the four horsemen and what not. What's going on down there?

De (background noise reaches a crescendo, waves can be heard crashing, donkeys braying): WELL, IT -EEMS THAT THE END IS NIGH. THERE'S THIS -EVEN HEADED --ING MAKING ITS WA- THROU-- TOWN FROM -HE OCEA-. WHAT --OULD I -O?

shank: Um. How flexible are you?

De (wind roaring, dogs barking, cattle lowing): WHAT!?

shank: Flexible! How FLEXIBLE are you?

De (the sound of fast footsteps, muffled distortions, chickens being put in a blender): I'M -KAY, I GUESS.

shank: Good! All you need to do is bend over and kiss your ass goodbye!

shank (Hangs up the phone, and shovels a fistful of popcorn at his gaping maw.): Bitches always on my jock, yo. Can't even peep a movie up in this motherfucker.

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July 24, 2008
The Name Game
(Category: Cheeses of Nazareth )

I know exactly how 'K' feels. My favorite from the article? Sex Fruit. How could you possibly hate that name?

I really empathize with her though, because I too have a name that's embarrassing; which is why I go by shank in the blogosphere. My real name is actually Richard Cocking. There I said it in front of you all, my real name.

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July 23, 2008
Oil, Oil, Everywhere. UPDATED: With Link Love
(Category: shankonomics )

Oh dear Lord, how I do love being right; even if it's only so often or for so long.

What you see in this chart, is a drop in oil price from it's high around $146, to today's close at $124. I know it's a little geeky looking, but basically each vertical bar represents the trading range for a given day; with the left pointing hashes representing opening prices, the right pointing ones the close. The columns across the bottom show trading volume.

oil.bmp

This represents roughly a 13% loss from its high - on July 11th. Some of the more optimistic folks are calling this the ol' bubble popping.

I call it a response to the changing regulatory environment , obvious demand destruction, the long term possibility of the expansion of drilling operations in the U.S.; AND the bubble popping. The latest inventory report showed 2.9 million barrels of gasoline inventories; when only 500,000 were expected. Guess it got a little to expensive and people quit buying it, hm? Maybe? Yeah?

Yee haw.

"Why is cheap oil so important, when there are so many other financial problems?" you might ask. Well, as the price of oil decreases, it does two things that make you and I (as people with dollars in our wallets) richer. Firstly, it tends to shore up strength in our currency, since oil is bought and sold in dollars. Although it's not neccesarily a two-way street, there's a bit of cyclical action that ties them very closely. That action is the second thing that cheap oil does - it puts spending money in our pockets. Not just in the form of cheaper oil or gas; but in the trickle down effects of cheaper petroleum products in general, fertilizers, plastics, and every item that is brought to your home by anything (a plane, a train, a truck) that runs on petroleum based products. As Americans find they've got more spending money, they can pay back debts, make new purchases, and maintain a healthy economy. Healthy economy = strong dollar.

In all honesty, I'd be surprised if it continued to drop so precipitously. I'm still expecting it to drop in value, but there's a lot of dust left to settle; so I think it'll take some time. It'll be interesting to see how things take shape in the coming weeks.

Linkish Update: Ed Morrissey puts together a nice little aggregation of the facts on what increased production could do to global supply and, more importantly, U.S. dependance on unstable and unfriendly regimes.

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Pinky and The Brain
(Category: Current Events/Pop Culture )

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, visiting Moscow to pursue weapons and energy deals, on Tuesday called for a strategic alliance with Russia to protect his country from the United States.

Chavez might be one of my favorite dictators. If they were on collectible cards like pro athletes, I'd keep his in a plexiglass case. His card and Ahmadinejad's; right next to each other. Anyways, back to the article:

The newspaper Kommersant, generally regarded as reliable, reported Tuesday that Chavez is looking to order Ilyushin jets, diesel-powered submarines, Tor-M1 air defense systems and possibly tanks. It did not specify its sources."

As anyone who's seen The Hunt for Red October can tell you, a diesel-powered sumbarine couldn't sneak up on a deaf retard dogpaddling in his backyard pool - not to mention ambushing something like the new nuclear Virginia-class subs. Or as I like to call them, billion-dollar cans of whoop-ass (my favorite? This one, because I was there).

Of course, upon reading that diesel submarine thing, I was immediately curious about 'Ilyushin jets'. According to wikipedia, Ilyushin hasn't made a fighter plane since the stone age; and they mostly build transports these days. Unless you count these Il-28's, that apparently make great museum peices.

The way I see it, Putin (who, let's be honest, is the real mastermind behind Medvedev) is laughing his ass off. He's selling off all his old junk to Chavez, who's happy to buy it because he's suffering from some paranoid fantasy that the US has it out for him. If the US has it out for you bro, diesel subs and 70's era jet planes aren't going to help.

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July 17, 2008
Hell No, We Won't Go.
(Category: Miscellaneous )

And I thought I hated moving:

A ‘vulnerable’ man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers, police believe.

David Phyall’s severed head was found beside the power tool inside his housing association flat shortly after receiving his eviction notice.

Vulnerable? Sweet baby Jesus. The icing on the cake is that his place was a total dump. I mean, if you're going to make your last stand, don't to it at this place:
apt.bmp

At least shoot for a Holiday Inn or maybe a nice rental by the beach. Which begs the discussion: If you could have any residence in the world, which one would be worth swallowing a running chainsaw?


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July 16, 2008
Ubercontrary (Super Rare DOUBLE) UPDATED
(Category: shankonomics )

Yes, I'm still ruminating on a long term deflation of oil prices. I know, it seems a ridiculous perspective on the issue at this point, but I find it entertaining.

Yesterday, while The Dub was speakalating from his podiator oil tanked. Ended the day with the biggest drop in 17 years, to be exact. Of course, if you're a dark pool kind of person, this drop in price could be due to large investment banks selling off to cover losses in other sectors, or Fed manipulation through something akin to their oft rumored Plunge Protection Team. YMMV.

But anyways, back to my theory here. I always assumed it would be baby steps over the course of a few years that would get us to a drop in oil prices, but Kudlow caught something I hadn't been anticipating:

A new report from Wall Street research house Sanford C. Bernstein says that California actually could start producing new oil within one year if the moratorium were lifted. The California oil is under shallow water and already has been explored. Drilling platforms have been in place since before the moratorium. They’re talking about 10 billion barrels worth off the coast of California.

Yowza. Domestic demand is decreasing, and we could be on the verge of increasing domestic supply. Of course, we still have a few kinks in the supply chain to unwind; and those will take time too.

But let's do some imaginatin' here. If talk of ramping up production in the US was responsible for even half of yesterday's decrease in the price of oil; what do we think actual increase of production will do?

Update:
Related? Mini nuclear reactors.

Updated Again:
Crude, Gas, Distillate inventories show unexpeceted increases, oil prices drop another $6 in trading. Invisbile hand, consumer response to (possibly manipulated) high prices both unavailable for comment. It'll be interesting to see how the crude price ends today. Most times, these initial reactions backpedal over the course of the day.