The Spinster mentioned something here about purchasing firearms, which reminded me that The Wife and I were discussing the very idea this weekend.
We're not big hunters, so the guns would be primarily for security purposes. We decided that if we were going to buy guns for personal safety, it doesn't make much sense unless you apply for a permit to conceal and carry your weapon. I mean, if your gun is at home in your safe, how can you possibly use it to protect you?
Neither one of us grew up in homes that owned guns, but several in my extended family own guns and hunt on a regular basis. I've been hunting on a couple occasions, and been to the range with them; so I have a familiarity in some respects. Maybe we're just a little paranoid, but you read some of the crazy shit that goes on and you think to yourself "If that shit happened to me, it would be really nice to have some protection."
Anyone have any advice on selecting a gun, a proper storage method (e.g., something secure, but easy to get to in the event that we need access in the middle of the night), and how to go about the process? I mean, what happens if you get pulled over for a routine traffic stop and you've got your gun in the glovebox? Are you supposed to inform the officer immediately or what?
Well, having made quite a run at the career thing in the recent years, I think I'm beginning to feel the sluggish effects of burnout. Well, I'm not sure if it's burnout or not, but I've recently gotten some acute feelings of frustration with the current system.
I've been doing project management all day everyday for a couple of years now, and it's beginning to lose its luster. The easy projects have become kind of boring (even though success is nice), and the larger projects have become tiresome even though they're not challenging. It's kind of like addition. We've all pretty much mastered addition, and if your job was to add; you'd find adding two numbers together all day to be intensely boring, and you'd find adding two hundred numbers together tiresome.
Current events have also further exacerbated my corporate malaise. The other day, someone two rungs above me on the ladder left the organization. My mentor, on the rung above mine, is moving into the position in the interim, with the clearly communicated goal of taking the position on full time. The upshot for me would be that should he get this new job, I'd probably have a decent shot at his old one. He and I have a very similar skillset, progression, and background. It'd be nice, because it would throw other tasks in with the project management. I'd still have some of the larger projects, but some of the piddly stuff would be left behind, and I'd get a helping of people management on my plate. I know, everyone bitches about people management; but it's something I need to get under my belt and it's a welcome change of pace. Besides, contrary to what evidence might be on this site, I'm actually pretty good at it.
However, it seems a monkey wrench has been thrown. My old mentor told me this morning that someone's already been shadowing him, learning his job. To make matters even more irritating, this person has only been here six months (as an intern-type position, no less), making this his very first job. The scuttlebutt is that he's somehow put himself in the good graces of the CEO, but scuttlebutt and a dollar might get you a cup of coffee. Even if it's true, acknowledging it in public will only mark you as a fool. To say the least, it's a hard pill to swallow; that someone with less experience has been plucked from obscurity to cut me out of the loop, possibly taking a position with more responsibility (and of course, pay) than my own. It seems like I'm about to get leap-frogged by a nepotist (nepotee?).
I'm meeting with my VP tomorrow, and I'm trying to collect my thoughts on this. I want to communicate my desire to take over some of the duties, but I think I'm going to play stupid on knowing who the shadow is, or that there's even any going on. Mostly because I pretty much always tend to play close to the vest when it comes to this stuff; but also because I've only been under this VP for a few months, and I'm unsure if I am trying to be kept here. I'll just explain the similarities between myself and my mentor, the need for variety in my workload, and a few of the other aspects that make me a logical fit. I'm assuming the Veep can't smell this coming, so the more clearly I think the conversation through, the more leverage I'll have when the time comes.
Anyone have any experience with this??
Honestly...who doesn't like midget wrestling?
More midget wrestling videos can be found here.
Since I have nothing of real value to offer:
Al Gore, renowned inventor of the Internet and part-time politician; has decided to take his brand of devastatingly sharp intellect into climatology. Where, apparently, he's been trumped by some people who - well - actually are climatologists.
And remember those debit cards that were handed out by FEMA to displaced Katrina evacuees? Turns out, more than a billion dollars-worth of that loot was spent on porn and debauchery. Sadly, some of us are not surprised.
In health news, head lice have evolved from a mere pest to a super-resistant organism. Hippies everywhere are being forced to either wash their hair, or get carried away by head lice the size of NFL linebackers. Yes folks, it seems Mother Nature herself has found a way to select hippies out of the gene pool - militant lice.
And even though this link is absolutely pointless, I just wanted to say that I can't wait for this woman to fall off the face of the Earth. Or at least walk into traffic and get railroaded by a flaming tanker truck. I mean, how is this even on CNN? She's newly single and this network decides that needs to go on their front page?
Interesting article. The Saudi leaders are not only openly oppressing women in a way that the modern world hasn't seen in at least fifty years, but the government is also actively gagging the court of public opinion. Gotta love those Islamists; what a great group of guys.
You know, I hate to make broad generalizations, but I'd be willing to bet that monkey was asking for it. Seriously, you ever seen a monkey at the zoo that didn't strike you as at least a little annoying? And those bears were locked up with that little bastard day in and day out.
I was thinking the other day that the downfall of the blogosphere is probably going to be one of the things that has made it great in the past - its accessibility. In earlier years, not many people really 'got' this thing that would become the blogosphere. Some people were still unfamiliar with the Internet itself - let alone anything beyond AOL Instant messenger, email, or online shopping. Actually running your own website? Who knew how to do that? Didn't you need to learn one of those wacky programming languages to do that? Soon, however, the days of point and click web editors were upon us; and riding on their coat tails were open source templates.
The simple fact that I am blogging right now is testament to the argument that it's just become to damn easy for any idiot to set up a site.
But seriously, when the blogosphere was still a little inaccesible or at least too 'geeky' for most people it was at it's least polluted stage. There was discourse, courteous dialogue and the kind of reasonable debate that actually added value. These days, easily half of the comments left on political blogs (or even the blogs themselves) are simply verve. The kind of vitriol that amounts to verbal graffiti. Why have things changed? Mob mentality. There's so many people out there in today's blogosphere that it's hard to have open, polite arguments without some band of wingnuts hijacking the comment thread. I'm talking about the kinds of commenters that repeatedly attack the same blog, without ever really addressing the argument. You people fucking blow. You're like spammers; except spam's manufactured, automatic sort of uselessness is attributed to the fact that it's just a program someone is running. Wheras you guys actually choose to be one dimensional.
To all the spammers,
May you find your end in Hell
Next to Carrot Top.
- - - - - - -
Boredom, like the sound
of snow falling around me,
comforts and quiets.
- - - - - - -
I suck at haiku,
hated poetry in school.
Today, I still do.
----
Hey, that last one rhymed. Maybe I'll go warm up some eggrolls.
Seattle denied a touchdown and the Steelers given a freebee.
That ref is a poxy cunt.*
*Poxy Cunt may be a registered trademark of Twenty Major.
P.S. It's good thing I can't draw cartoons.
I received an email this morning from a dear friend who believes his house is haunted. He’s shaken up about the whole affair. I know this man and his wife pretty well. Intelligent people. Guy’s got a physics degree or something of that ilk. He’s a rational man, and what’s more, he’s one of the few people I know who are mentally stable.
Anyway, he described some incidents that are certainly extraordinary. I know the house well and it’s not very old and the things he described were intriguing.
The email went to out to a small group of friends and I was surprised to find that some of them now BLAME ME for the haunting. First of all, I don’t know that I believe in hauntings. I’m the rational type. Until it happens to me—then I shriek like a little girl.
I just came into a bootleg Led Zeppelin concert from 1977 in Cleveland. The sound quality is pretty good. A good acoustic set and plenty from Physical Graffiti. There’s an especially hot version of Ten Years Gone.
Disc 1 :
The Song Remains the Same
The Rover
Nobody's Fault But Mine
In My Time of Dying
Since I've Been Loving You
No Quarter
Ten Years Gone
Disc 2 :
Battle of Evermore
Going to California
Black Country Woman
Bron Y Aur Stomp
White Summer/Black Mountain Side
Kashmir
Jimmy Page Guitar Solo
Stairway to Heaven
Rock n' Roll
Trampled Under Foot
I fully realize that most people couldn’t give a shit about this because it’s not some breathy thin-bearded boy band or a group of depressed, post modern indy songwriters, but, in the off chance that someone out there has taste, be aware that this thing is making the rounds.
Blue Velvet: On a scale from 1 to 10, this movie ranks as "Some seriously fucked up shit".
Early yesterday evening I realized I was completely out of scotch. My wife was out Christmas shopping so I called her to ask if she would be kind enough to make a stop on the way home. She didn’t answer her cell phone. Since I was already undressed I was dreading the thought of having to go out and procure my own liquor.
At 6:30 PM she walked through the door, arms full of purchases. And I mean loaded down with bags full of stuff. I had two important questions to ask:
1. Will you please go buy me some scotch?
2. What the hell are you using for money?
I didn’t want to know the answer to number two so I asked about the scotch.
“I’ve just completed the Christmas shopping. It’s done. Finished. Without you going anywhere, do anything or even offering suggestions. Tonight completes a week long endeavor and I’m not going back out. Go get the rest of the shit from the car.”
I couldn’t really argue. I contributed nothing this year except the cash and I expect that ran out earlier in the week.
Then she added, “I’ll make you a deal.”
“What kind of deal?”
She pointed at me. “If you go to the liquor store dressed like that, I’ll do anything you want.”
I looked down at myself. I was wearing Snoopy pajama bottoms. Goofy looking, sky blue, ankle length pajama bottoms. Snoopy was printed all over them, wearing a nightcap and carrying a candle. I hate peanuts and I hate Snoopy…the origin of the things are another story.
To compliment the bottoms, I was wearing a wife beater and a pair of sad old slippers. I’m a pretty big guy (not fat) and I looked like a real asshole.
“What do you mean you’ll do anything I want?”
“Whatever weird, perverted, sexual thing that you’ve ever wanted but were afraid to ask for, I’ll do it. All you need to do is go to the liquor store dressed like that. Exactly like that. You can’t take the slippers off.”
I walked into the bedroom and put on some jeans. There was no way I was going out looking like that. Not to the liquor store I go to. I guess that makes me a wimp. That’s what I felt like. But you know, I really couldn’t think of anything that perverted we hadn’t already done. In hindsight, what I should have done was asked her to throw something out there on the table. I can't believe I let that get by me. Christ, I’m slipping.
I really appreciated the emails, trivial as they might seem. Today, I'm in an unsually good humor; probably because of all that light beer I drank last night. Turned me into a right pussy I'd imagine. At any rate, I decided to make a note of the folks who sent me Friday Greetings, and say a nice little blurb about them. I figure it's a nice thing to do (see! Unusually good humor. Odd), plus my blogging consultant once told me that "everyone likes to see their name in lights". Yes, I have a blogging consultant. I didn't develop from 20six.co.uk to SBD in a year because I'm charming (obviously), it's just good management.
Victor - Vic really loves rats. Granted, rats may seem a little grody to some of you, but a life without passion is no life at all. Besides, anyone who can set aside the social stigma and love the hell out of some rats probably ain't a bullshitter; and as Martha would say "That's a good thing." Now get over to his site and help him win a bucket of Iowa crap.
Tiffani - Tiffani is probably a hottie. With a name like Tiffani you just can't go wrong. Additionally, Tiffani leaves her work email attached to her comments, plus she puts her work signature at the bottom of her emails. Tiffani is an unabashed office blogger. A hot, (possibly) well-dressed, office blogger. I'd hit it.
Okay, so Jim was Snoozy enough to import all the old content from Id's Cage. For those of you not familiar, I suggest perusing the stuff. I highly recommend the categories 'How Many Beers', 'Goddamn Wedding', and 'The Cage'; though my faves are in the other ones. I can't remember though; I usually blog blind drunk.
Also, Paul and I are pretty engaging bloggers when we have the time, hence the game 'How Many Beers'. Of course, I've been toying with the idea of playing the game 'Murder, Marry, Fuck'; but we might have to come up with a new name for that one.
Another thing about the Id's Cage bloggers. We're full of it. I mean, just about every entry, unless it alludes to some current event in the news, is probably a good 75% bullshit, probably more in my case. I tend to have a pretty boring life, but a really cracked out imagination.
Okay, you get the idea. We're glad to be here, hope ya'll stick around. I'm outta here.
I, of course, got this...
 | You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com |
Only a fricken 75% score too, but I like those two guys. I guess if I'm 75% Maximus and 75% Indiana Jones, that's like 150% head-stomping, smart-talking badass; right? Plus I got Jack Sparrow in there, talk about a one-in-a-million wingman. But Lara Croft? Dude, if I was more than half Lara Croft, I wouldn't leave the house. I mean, whether it was the upper half or the lower half, it wouldn't matter. I'd be at home playin' with my womanly parts.
And Paul got 100-fucking-percent Bond? I think he rigged that shit, the wily old coot.
So Paul added this dude TwentyMajor to the blogroll in Bills spot because Bill's once again fallen off the face of the Earth.
Twenty's a friggin' riot.
Today was an absolute headspinner. Got up at 3am to pick the finacee up from work. Back home and in bed til 7am. Straight to work, where I finished up a backlog from last week's chest cold. Capital planning meeting at 10:30 across town that was attended by 1 architect, 1 VP, myself, and about four complete blockheads with either: 1) no vision whatsoever, and/or 2) a conflict of interest that runs deeper than a wide reciever who's contract is up. Stategy meeting at 1pm with another divison that was the complete opposite - tackling a much more complex debacle, and attended by folks with a better understanding of our future orientation. bolted from that meeting to my office where I completed some ASAP work that developed from it, then got my shit togeter to meet the tow truck guy back at the university at 4. Towed the heap to my garage, where it'll be ready for pickup tomorrow after work. Drove to the grocery store, picked up a twelver and a few other sundry items. Back home, refusing to move a muscle until tomorrow morning.
Friday blogging is not something many folks do. Traffic dies on Fridays, people start their weekends, the social aspect of the week begins that blogging satisfies during the droll work week.
Well, I like to blog on Fridays, and will continue to do so. Consider it the yardsale of the blogosphere. Hey, some of it might be junk, but some of it is just what folks are looking for. So sneak a peak every so often over here on Friday's, there just might be something for you.
Today - Normal vs Abnormal
Masturbation - Normal. Granted, I guess not everyone does it, but the majority of people do, making it normal.
Watching yourself in the mirror whilst doing so - Admittedly abnormal. I mean come on; what kind of narcissistic prick gets off on watching themselves at the apex of passion? No wonder you're single!
Conflict - Normal.
Seeking out Conflict - Abnormal. If you go around picking fights, you've obviously got some pent up anger from a conflict you didn't resolve (seek out?) in the past. Quit picking stupid fights and pick the one that matters
Idiots - Normal. As we all know, idiots are a part of life. Most people see them as a burden; we feel like we have to take care of idiots since they're too stupid to take care of themselves. I say, idiot's are God's comic relief for the rest of humanity. I say, fuck the stupid. We carry on and have them make their own way. That way, we can laugh, point, and hope they learn the rules of the game.
Geniuses - Abnormal. For some reason though, everyone seems to either 1) be one or 2) think they know one. This can't possibly be the case, because if there were that many geniuses in the world we would have half as many politicians.
Heterosexual - Normal.
Homosexual - Abnormal. Don't misunderstand me here. I'm not homophobe, nor am I in any fucking way someone who judges folks on their sexual orientation. I'm just saying it's a completey abnormal condition in natural history. Yes, given obtuse environmental conditions some species will become asexual or hemaphroditic. However, this is the exception to the exception to the rule; and we can't ignore the amazingly high incidence of homosexuality in the human species versus all other species in the world. It's absolutely staggering. It's a biological miracle (for those who believe homosexuality is a biological trait).
As always, this isn't about me putting shit out there to convince people or trying to assert my view on others. I'm just trying to encourage discussion. Think about all the things you think are normal, and then try to describe what it is that makes them normal. And don't give me this "Nothing's normal maaaan, it's all relative." I had a hippie friend in college that said that at least twice a week, and everytime he did so I'd piss on his toothbrush that very night. It's a cop-out for people who've given up on understanding the way they think. Anyways, if you really contemplate what it is that you and others consider normal, and then try to figure out how all that became accepted as normal, all this other shit comes out in the wash. It's like cutting a shark's stomach open and finding, amidst the fish bits and detritus, a hubcap from a '72 Granada.
I am so incredibly worn out. With all the developments in my personal and professional life lately, I feel like I've aged 10 years in the past ten months. School'll be over in May though; but it seems like an almost uphill battle until then. I did get quite the upper at work today when my director sideled up to me and said "Your promotion is in the works as. We. Speak." If I'd anything in me I'd have passed the fuck out. So, and I hate to bank on it here, it seems that things should work themselves out here in the immediate future. Hmm. I guess once you get the good job, and get married, and finish school - it seems to spool faster and faster. Cuz then there's a house, kids, bigger workload at the office, schools, etc., etc. Holy shit. And I'm already tired.
So, still busier than a motherfucker. I did, however, manage to come across something interesting today about Mr. George Galloway. You might remember the British politician and colossal jackass from such hits as 'Even the Labour Party Doesn't Aant My Crazy Ass', "It's All a Pack of Lies", and most recently, 'Okay, So Maybe It Wasn't All A Pack of Lies, But I Dare You to Try Me for Perjury!'. He's also written a book, aptly titled "I'm Not the Only One". I swear to you, that book is real, that's not a joke.
I assume the forward is written by Kofi Annan. Those fuckers. I'mma go get some beer and be right back. WOO!
update: My Rouge Dead Guy Ale, a movie buff if there ever was one, has just informed me that Galloway has signed on to star in a new production this summer; temporarily titled "I'm Going Upstate to Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass Prison." Word has it, he'll be co-starring along side Saddam Hussein and "Punk'd" host Aston Kutcher. The latter of whom is apparently "Just along for the free ass-play".
This is shank, over. I was BC'd on an email from my director to the VP, copy. Director supports the consideration of a raise for yours truly, over. I'm dug in behind enemy lines, pinned down by a wave of paperwork on the west and an entire night of school on the east, over. I don't know if I'm going to make it out alive. Haven't heard from Paul, and I fear the worst, over. If anyone gets this message, find him first, he blogs better. We can hold our own here on my end for a few more days, but we'll need reinforcements. I'll keep you posted as long as the batteries hold up and we're all here. Shank out.
The fiance went to Sam's Club tonight and found this monster bottle of Riesling. I don't know how she managed to drag this Moby Dick of Teutonic wines back to the house in her compact hatchback, but she did, God love 'er. I had my annual evaluation at work today, and things went well - so I deserve to finish this whole bottle. And when I do, so help me sweet Jesus, at about 11 tonight; I think I'll cork it and have it shipped to NOAA on the back of a flatbed towtruck so they can use it as an open ocean weather buoy.
Hey, I'm just givin' back, you know, from my immense bounty.
Update: Holy shit, we just passed 10,000 hits since June! As my two buddies used to say - Thanks for your support.
I can’t help but notice a shitload of spam in the comments. Shank is asleep at the switch.
Most of you are still using the paul@sanitys-edge email address and that will be dead by tomorrow or Wednesday. Please use the alternative. I would post it here but then I’ll be inundated with offers of cheap hard-on pills and penile enlargement doohickeys, neither of which interests me. If anybody knows how to do that thing with the code where your email address is on the page but in the source it looks like Latin vomit, please speak up and make yourself useful.
For some reason I can’t make a decent Bloody Mary. Either too much Worcestershire or not enough. I guess I’ll have to start actually measuring. I like to use Clamato instead of tomato juice and I add few shrimp so that’s kind of like a meal.
I’m debating going home for lunch and afternoon sex. And a Bloody Mary.
Did you know that Worcestershire sauce has a disputed history? You might also be interested knowing what that shit’s made out of, namely, vinegar, molasses, corn syrup, water, chilli peppers, soy sauce, pepper, tamarinds, anchovies, onions, shallots, cloves and garlic.
Lea & Perrins, the most popular brand also has a secret ingredient that purportedly gives it an extra kick. They’ve kept it a secret since 1837 and they’re pretty serious about it. According to their slow-ass loading web page, only three or four people know what the secret and it’s been broken up so that no one knows the whole recipe and it involves a lot of secret code words. It takes up to two years to make a bottle of Lea & Perrins and their website makes it all seem very romantic.
Tell me this ain’t good blogging.
The Bloody Mary itself has a distinguished history.
It was first mixed at Harry’s American Bar in Paris, a notorious Hemingway hangout. It was originally made with gin because back in the 20s vodka was not a very popular spirit. The originator took the recipe back to New York where hearty Americans insisted it was a pussified French drink and insisted on adding Tabasco.
Many speculate the concoction was named after Mary Tudor, daughter of Henry VIII who killed off just a shitload of her Protestant adversaries and became known as “Bloody Mary.” Others speculate it was named after a Chicago whore. Since I doubt that many 1920s bartenders were acquainted with the history of the House of Tudor, I’d have to go with the whore theory.
Regardless, it’s one hell of a versatile cocktail and I’d like to have me one as soon as possible.
Yeah, I’ve got nothing. And to make matters worse, Shank’s been poking me with a stick, albeit subtly, to make something happen. He’s becoming Col. Parker and I think he’s afraid I’ll die sitting on the toilet like Elvis.
Perhaps I exaggerate. He sent an email saying, “Hey, what’s up?” But I can read between the lines. He’s thinking that fucker hasn’t been producing. Well, I guess I can’t blame him there.
When this type of situation happens in my professional life, I’m full of articulate responses that generate the required effect even if they’re complete bullshit. Allow me to simulate them here:
Well, Shank, I’m glad to see you’re rallying the team, and it’s quite timely on your part, as I’ve just put together a proposal that I believe will push us over the top. One of my research teams has concluded that the font we’re using currently is not only unappealing, but subliminally conjures the image of complete ineptitude on our part. Furthermore, the blog is an odd color. It’s somewhat black and somewhat gray. It’s floating in the netherworld between these two colors. Again, as you’ll see from their upcoming report, the research team found that among men ages 24-36, 84% found the current background color “half-assed.”
Of women polled from the same age group, 73% found the background to be, in their words, “shitty.” How quickly can we get Design and IT into a meeting about this? Because frankly, I’m getting some calls from the top and I’m not sure how long I can pacify them.
That’s what I usually do at work. Here on the blog I can’t really do that. Here, because of my tenuous position, I must write something. If I don't come up with something soon I'll have to start making shit up about other bloggers and post it with feigned indignance.
Who wants to play How Many Beers?
UPDATE: Results in the extended entry.
Another post in such a short time might give Victor and Tiffani a heart attack, but I'm willing to take that chance in my vain efforts to get all of you to dance like trained monkeys for me. That's just the sort of selfless fellow I am.
The trivia: What was the little circle doohickey called that you put in the hole of a 45 to play it on a standard record player spindle?
The payoff: 3 points to the person who knows the answer. Some more to the answer than most makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.
The restriction: No searching.*
* I'll do that when I check for the correct answer since I haven't the slightest clue what that thing is called**. Despite the fact that they were an everyday part of my life for two decades.
** Astute readers will interpret this in one of two ways. Either I've recognized this as a cool odd-ball trivia and am taking advantage of it to give out some points or, since I have to look up the correct answer eventually, I'm using the contest thing as a tool in my continual efforts to procrastinate in order to avoid looking up the answer for as long as humanly possible. It's probably a bit of each.